so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize