Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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