TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
