She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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