Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
