best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
