the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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