I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
