take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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