He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
