this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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