Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
