I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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