I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
