Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why is your signature on my underwear?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
