Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
