just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
