I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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