i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ketchup is God's man juice
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
