I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
