it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
