i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
