I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
