They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
