I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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