I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
