Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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