I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize