I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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