Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
