The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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