I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
