judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
