if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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