Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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