i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
