you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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