i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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