She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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