Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
