I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
