last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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