so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
