I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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