Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
