did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
