those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
