when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
