Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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