I just saw a hot homeless man
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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