well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
