john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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