god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
