Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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