butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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