the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
