this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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