Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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