my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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