he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
