have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
