ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
