Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
