I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
