Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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