I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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