i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
