shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
