he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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