Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
