We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
